Indentifying Morons 101

Chanakya was asked to make a stick smaller without breaking it. The smart Alec that he was, he brought a bigger stick and placed it next to the original stick.

Trust me it works... not the stick... the concept... basically if you are feeling irritated, make people around you even more irritated... and your irritation will recede. But it all lies in how you translate the stick anecdote. I mean sometimes people really take it a bit too far... confused... fear not, I shall explain. Supposing you are a group of people who are pretty normal... by normal I mean you can get my jokes... and then this new person is implanted into the group. Yes, you guessed it, he doesn't get my jokes. So let's call this person something, and no, I will not refer to this person by the name he has been given. Hmmmm, I think I shall call him... the target. Okay so the target eventually realises that he is being picked on by all and sundry. So the target decides that something needs to be done regarding this.

The first attempt:
The target ignores you.
He behaves as if he is impervious to your taunts / teases / insults. But he seems to be forgetting that this only makes him a sitting duck. You see, no matter how hard he tries, he doesn't realise that he is the target. People are there to hunt him. By ignoring he is only making everyone else laugh at him more freely.

The second attempt:
The target retaliates.
He musters up whatever little imagination he has tries to come back at you with a smart retort. Needless to say he alone thinks it's a smart one. So, he retorts, and then laughs, alone. Then he retorts again, laughs, alone, and the normal people start with their lunch. He retorts yet again, laughs again, still alone, and the normal people finish their lunch. As he is about to retort once more, the normal people burp, and then retort back to make him shut up. And then the target slips back into the "I am ignoring you" mode. Although this is usually preceded by a few sharp intakes of breathe, as if they had something to say. But, it is all in vain, 'cause eagle 20 has been shot down.

The third attempt:
The new target (at least he thought so).
It never fails to amaze me. But believe it or not, birds of a flock do fly together. Even amongst humans. The target realises that he can't beat the normal people. So he introduces a new target to the group. He believes the new target to be actually more moronic than himself, and that the normal people will start teasing the new target and forget him. He forgets, the normal people are a fun loving bunch. For them, the more the merrier; be it targets or fellow normal people. But the upside for the target, is that now he no longer laughs alone. He has a companion.

And that's strike three... and they are out.

Hell Within

Dare to dream

Ride a world horse, into the sky,
Hold tight to its wings, before you die,
Whatever else, you leave undone,
Once, ride a wild horse into the sun.

Contributed by Rhea :)

Confucious say: confused couples no good

They were sitting on the next table in the cafetaria. He was the third most shabbbiest person in his batch (if things continued the way they were ... he would be at the top on the next week's chart). She on the other hand was not shabby, just had the looks which said, Stay Away from me ( I was just too happy to oblige).

Yes, you might ask if these two are married? and the answer believe it or not will still be in the affirmative. They hardly looked like the made for each other types, and i guess that they were'nt either. That, I think was the reason why these two had earlier planned a trip to splitsville.

Now this is the most interesting part about them. They were working together in a call center. It was probably good sex, and they decided to marry. they got married and then decided on divorce. I think the reason as that the call center they were working for closed down, or asked them to leave. Whichever way, they decided to go their separate ways. I assume, they did some maths. But, then maths is a topic which is not very easily comprehensible to every Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe, and certainly not to these two. So, I think someone else did the maths for them, and helped them figure out that if they were living with their respective parents, the financial strain on them would be lesser. So, I think, this along with their boring libido as the reason they separated.

And then, they started looking for a new job. As fate would have it, they both got through to the place I work. They didn't tell each other that they had got the job here. They were both in different induction batches. True to the psychological profile of such people, these two were sympathy mongers. The moment the trainer asked them to tell something about him/herself, they regaled their sad life stories, of how they got married, then seperated and all the usual booo hooo hooos. And at lunch, they saw each other.

He: You b!tc#, what are you doin here?
She: You Mother F@&^%r, I am working here, what are you doin here?
He: Me too.

She was silent. They didn't tell anyone that they were married. They had just vented their spleen on each other a couple of hours ago, and right now love was in the air.

So now these two have lunch together. Go out on breaks together. He fights with the people who decide to say somethingto his wife... and all in all they just don't sleep together a night. I think that should change after next month's salary is debited to their acoounts.

Invincible

Come and take your best shot,
Be sure to put in all you've got,
Beware this is your only chance,
Cause after this I'll make you dance
You might go as far as you can go,
And then prepare for my blow,

Did that hurt?
Did you just,
Eat the dirt?
Don't you know?
I am unbeatable?


My yardstick is much longer,
You have to be a lot stronger,
You'll never get close to where I am,
You'll never be the tiger, always the lamb,
All your efforts are futile,
The gap is not in inches but in miles,

Is that too high?
Did you just,
Reach for the sky?
Don't you know?
I am unattainable


Rub your eyes and reset your gaze,
Try and follow the trail I've blazed,
Yes, I am much beyond your reach,
It's for you to learn and me to teach,
Of the cruel laws of nature's selection,
Of how you can never beat perfection.

God is not, what I am
Did you just?
Pray to that scam?
Don't you know?
I am Invincible

Okay, what do you do when you across a person so dumb that he is pressing the down arrow key with his arm and at the same time is trying to use the mouse to scroll up on a web page... And then turns around to you and says... "I think someone else has taken over my machine... See... I'm trying to scroll up but the page automatically keeps on scrolling down!!! This so spooky!!! Maybe this is a virus"

Now for the icing on the sake... Replace the man in question above with a woman... And the arm with her breast... And the best part is ... This is happening with her for the second time!!!
GAWD!!! How irritatingly dumb can anyone get...???

You know there are two kinds of dumb people... The first kind is like this...

The Boss: Can you tell me how many units did we sell last month...???

The Employee: No, but I can tell you how many times did Michael Jordan
score off a fade away in each of the NBA Finals he's ever played in...

Now such people will obviously be considered to be dumb... But... If
you look closely he is not dumb, he just has command over thoroughly
useless information. (Hey, at least he told him that he doesn't have
the answer)

Such people I can live with... If nothing else they make great
partners in a sozzled conversation.

Then there are the other types of dumb people... Here is what they are like...

They'll wear extremely tight clothes to remind themselves that they
need to slim down... Or mark stuff on papers with a highlighter, which
according to them is not worth reading... Or ask, "then what
happened?" long after the joke ends... Ok so you know the kind I'm
talking about... These are the ones who I can't live with...

So I have started documenting ways to pick out such people from a crowd...

• They are the only ones laughing at their own jokes in a group… While
everyone else is forcing a smile on their faces

• They are the most conscious of themselves when they are all alone

• They fall for the easiest tricks in the book... (IEEE they have
never heard of - "Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on
me"

• They'll laugh at your most pathetic jokes

• They are usually not very bright about computers and would never
accept this fact

• They are very territorial

• Their proximics are totally screwed up

There are so many ways to pick them out... but these are the ones
which generally some to mind... if you know more, then your additions
are welcome.